I Watch Too Much Children's Television

And here are some more observations:

• Yo Gabba Gabba! is this generation's version of the Sid and Marty Kroft shows I watched as a kid, except instead of being the brainchild of two 60s hippies, it's the brainchild of a couple of millenial Brooklyn hipsters.
• To the costumers at Hi-5: I realize that Discovery Kids is running episodes that are at least four years old, but what were you thinking when you put Curtis in that red pleather vest? He looks, well, really creepy.
• Without seeing the copyright date at the end, I can usually tell approximately when an episode of Blue's Clues was filmed by Steve's (a) hairline and (b) enthusiasm level. (Steve Burns, I think you're awesome, but admit it - you were seriously chipper in the first year's episodes. In a good way)
• What's with renaming the Jumparounds to the Fresh Beat Band? It's bad enough that the cast looks like it was assembled by Jack Donaghy (he's at it again - the new Electric Company wasn't enough?), but the names, oh the names. The guys are Twist and Shout. Seriously. And is it 1986 all over again? Fresh Beat? F R E S H, yo that's fresh!
• Moral lessons aside, I really really like Veggie Tales. Reminds me of classic Bugs Bunny and Sesame Street in that there are as many jokes for the grownups as there are for the kiddies. And how can you not like Larry the Cucumber?
• I don't condone violence, but I would probably look the other way if Swiper Fox clawed Dora's eyes out. Ditto for Baby Jaguar and Diego. WHY DO YOU KIDS HAVE TO SHOUT ALL OF YOUR LINES? AND WHY ARE YOU ASKING MY KIDS TO SAY IT LOUDER? STOP IT, ALREADY!
• I also really really like the Backyardigans. The song writers are so talented.
• I don't like that Disney has moved any non-computer animated, non-Disney rubberstamped, non-merchandise tie-in-able shows to either the weekends or the rubbish heap (Charlie and Lola for the former, the Wiggles for the latter). I'm not anti-CG (see the above bullet), but I'm kind of overloaded on it. I adore the visual styles of Charlie and Lola, Blue's Clues, Bunnytown, Jack's Big Music Show...

Blog Therapy

I'm posting these things here because I can't exactly put them on a Post-It note on my bathroom mirror. Hubster hasn't quite come to the same realizations yet, and it's just not worth the aggravation getting him to see the light.

Timeline of events:

• Wed 6:38pm - phone call asking what we're doing Thursday. She's getting her hair done in the morning and wants to know if she can stop by after doing some errands following her appointment. Knows that it's nap time but could take J out for a while (no mention of wanting to see T or S). I say I'm not sure; she says she'll call when she's ready to head towards our house.
• Thurs 1:25 - message on home phone that she's having lunch and where am I? (um, sorry, not your business) Says she'll call after lunch is over.
• Thurs 2:10 - message on cell phone (which was inadvertantly left in the double stroller on Wednesday), finished with lunch and not sure if she should go visit convalescing friend or come by our house. Also mentions that she needs to ice her ankle for an hour (gee, so glad you view us as your resting place in between errands)
• Thurs 2:25 - ANOTHER message on home phone; I forget the details but basically she's done with lunch and errands
• Thurs 2:35 - I call her from M&D's and leave a message on her cell phone that we're en route home
• Thurs 4:30 - she calls and asks if she can come by for an hour. I say okay only because we're home and why not, let's just get this over with.
• Thurs 5: - 6:00 - Her visit. Minimally aggravating.

Important note to self: You - and the kids - are NOT her priority. If this was about the kids and not her, she would come see the kids on a day and time that works for ALL of them. Instead, we're just another stop on her list of errands to run. Stop feeling guilty about going on with your life and not sitting at home waiting for her to call while she's out going on with *her* life. If it's okay for her, it's more than okay for you.

Sigh, MEN!

I'm talking specifically about my husband, but this probably applies to most husbands and fathers.

Hub was off today for the holiday (he was also off yesterday but spent the day golfing with some coworkers, but that's another story entirely). Since he was home all day, he got to see firsthand what life is like for a full-time mom with three little boys all under the age of five. I think it was an eye opener for him.

9:27am. We're in the kitchen and can hear J and T fighting over something; I think J took a toy that T was playing with or something like that. Hub is trying to sort through some paperwork and says to me, "How do you listen to this and not want to kill them?" I simply tell him that that's why I'm such a raging bee-yotch once bedtime rolls around.

10:30am. Hub has had enough of the brotherly love and takes J and T to the playground. I stay home while S naps and, once he wakes up, walk to the playground to meet the guys. Were I home alone, a ride to the playground would have been out of the question at that time. I don't know if hub realized that.

12:40pm. We're at Burger King having lunch. T eats all of his apple fries, but picks at his cheeseburger. I say he only has to eat half of it, then rip the burger in half. T starts getting upset because he wants it back as one big piece. Hub tries to cajole him into eating it, but T starts hitting him. Hub gets angry, T keeps hitting and escalates into meltdown mode. Hub picks T up and carries him to the car.

I could go on, but basically this continues throughout the day, during dinner, and until bedtime when Hub announces that the boys aren't getting any stories. Hub says it's because the boys aren't listening, but I suspect that it's because he's dog-tired from life and is in a crappy mood from dealing with being home with all three kids. Sheesh. Imagine if I weren't home all day!

And I know it would be too much to hope for a comment like "Wow, now I know why you're so cranky when I get home at night." or "I totally get why you want me to help you put the boys to bed."

Cause he's a man. Sigh...

Variety is the spice of life

Seriously. In what parenting book is it written that kids should only listen to kids' music and nothing else?

Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against the Wiggles. Hub and I took the kids to see them last November (second row seats!) and the grownups enjoyed it more than the kids. Heck, I even dedicated an entire blog entry to Greg Page. But there comes a time when just can't listen to "Fruit Salad Yummy Yummy" anymore without wanting to tear your hair out.

When I hit this point, I like to put the ipod on shuffle and let the songs fall where they may. Skipping, of course, anything with inappropriate lyrics or songs that I'm just not in the mood to hear right then and there. Hub finds it amusing, but there are times when nothing will soothe like "Baby You Can Drive My Car."

And it totally made my day when J told me that he liked "Christine Sixteen" by Kiss.

Rock on, baby brotha!

Dante's Inferno

I am convinced that there is a Walmart ring of hell, and through the magic of a wormhole in the time-space continuum, instances of the aforementioned ring of hell exist right here on earth. I should know; I was at Walmart today.

There's a Walmart on the same road as the car dealership and since I had to get my car's oil changed AND wanted to get a new bike for J's birthday (he comically dwarfs his 12" one), I figured I'd kill the proverbial two birds with one stone.

Yeah, right.

Last night, courtesy of their website, I found that Walmart is one of the few local retailers that sells reasonably priced 18" bikes. I was also happy to find that the website indicated that the store closest to the car dealership had ample stock of several styles of 18" boys' bikes.

Again: Yeah, right.

The store only had one model of 18" bike available, and it was a very girly light blue one with streamers in the handlebars. I suppose I should be happy that the store had ANY 18" bikes since I was able to confirm that it was indeed the correct size for J, but what genius hardcoded the inventory check feature? I suspect that if those bikes are indeed in stock, they're somewhere deep in the bowels of some stockroom, buried under boxes lawn furniture where employees hide out and smoke pot during their shift.

I now have one choice but to order site-to-store. Shudder...

Why would you think this is okay?

Things I've seen parents do that made me scratch my head:

• Let a two and a half year old carry a container of lighter fluid ("It has a childproof cap!")
• Put a fifteen month old on top of a five-foot tall climbing structure, tell him to jump, and catch him
• Let a five and a half year old girl play outside without a shirt (it wasn't that hot out)
• Let a two and a half year old brush his own teeth and not go back to rebrush
• Issue idle threats when a four year old hits and throws wood chips at other children
• I know there are gazillions more, but I just can't think of them right now.

Some of these happened to my children, by my beloved. Heavy sigh.

More gripes with children's television

Lazytown
I understand the premise of this show - junk food and inactivity bad, exercise and healthy foods good. However, I don't think the writers really thought through how preschoolers process the show's content. I caught a couple of minutes of an episode where characters were decorating a cake with icing and candy, which quickly devolved into food being thrown everywhere. I know if I were a small child watching this, I would have been fascinated by how much fun the characters were having, not thinking "Gee, they shouldn't be eating all of those sugary treats." Nice try, but way off the mark.

Toot and Puddle
Maybe it's because I have a child-like (childish?) mind, but the title cracks me up. They should have called the show "Fart and Pee."

Any recently added Playhouse Disney show
This includes gems such as "My Friends Tigger and Pooh," "Handy Manny," and "Special Agent Oso." It's as if the Disney folks have decided that they're going to make as much money as humanly possible by canning any show that requires animators and puppeteers in favor of a bunch of homogenously computer-animated fare. The shows I mentioned are alright; they're not offensive and on some level they offer something constructive for kids, but they all look the same. It makes me nostalgic for "Blue's Clues" and "Charlie and Lola" (two of my all time favorite kids' shows).