So close, I can almost touch it...

Victory, that is.

Over the freaking fruit flies.

I can hear you cheering.  Thank you, my adoring fans.  All one of you.

But seriously...

I thought I had the Fruit Fly Cocktail of Doom all figured out.

Shockingly, I was wrong.  While my original recipe contained the secret ingredient - sugar - I discovered that I needed more of it.  A lot more of it.  Like two tablespoons worth.  So...

Rinsed the bug carcasses out that styrofoam cup.  Squirted some hand soap into it.  (By the by, the soap has a different use than what you might think - I thought it was because fruit flies are stupid and are lured by the pretty bubbles.  In actuality, the soap changes the surface tension on the water so the buggers can't fly away once they touch the sweet nectar.  Muahahahahaha...)  Went downstairs and shoveled in two tablespoons of sugar, and a little more for good measure.  Added a splash of red wine vinegar (it smells awful, but you must add the vinegar, because fruit flies are gross and like sweet and fermenting things, like vinegar.  Or wine, but why waste good wine on stupid bugs?  I digress.  Anyway...).  Went back upstairs.  Filled the cup.

Within an hour, there were so many dead bugs floating in the bubbles on top (I know, I know, but water + soap = bubbles, what can I do?).

Victory shall be mine!