Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Anyone Other Than Me

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like, who I would be, if circumstances were different.

Who would I have become if my family didn't move out of state after my freshman year?  I attended a very  small school - maybe 125 kids per grade.  By the end of freshman year, I was going through a rough time.  The girls I had been eating lunch with had edged me out, forcing me to eat with others.  Would things have come full circle?  Who would have asked me to the prom?  To the graduation ball?

Who would I be now, if at age five I had met the boy I would later grow up to marry?  I am constantly taken by surprise by how many people grew up and returned to the town where I now live.  What would it be like to watch my hometown change and morph over time, before my eyes?  Would I be able to evolve as an individual, or would I have been bound by who I was as a teenager?

How would my life be different if I were more easygoing, and one who greased the machine rather than bucked it?  I have encountered several people in my current hometown who, for whatever reason, seem to just flat-out dislike me.  It seems as if my mere existence bothers them.  I wonder what it would be like if I always knew the "right" thing to say, and how to play the game.  Would I be able to stand up for myself, or would I be a complete doormat?

What would it be like to be known as "the pretty one" instead of "the smart one"?  I don't think I need to elaborate too much on this one...

Don't get me wrong; I have no desire to change my life.  I love my husband and I love my kids.  But sometimes I wonder how my life might be different in different scenarios.

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