Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Now what?

I feel horrible. Again. I had another psycho meltdown during bedtime tonight. I ended up screaming so loudly at J that my throat still hurts, and I thought I might pull a muscle in my belly.

I don't understand why I have such a bad hair-trigger temper this time around. I realize that pregnancy hormones make you crazy, but I'm just a rageaholic that now I worry that I'm setting a horrible example for J. No wonder he's acting all crazy lately.

Recent things that annoy me:
  1. That hubby departs for work just as I'm starting to get out of bed, thus leaving me with sole responsibility for getting three people washed, dressed, fed, and ready for the day.
  2. That hubby returns from work usually right around bedtime, thereby leaving me responsible for all parenting activities during waking hours.
  3. That hubby will not support me in getting the boys to bed at a reasonable hour even though more sleep has resulted in improved behavior throughout the day for everyone involved.
  4. That mother in law is stewing about something that she will not come out and say but rather make sideways comments about it.
  5. That I haven't had a night out to dinner with the girls since Thanksgiving Eve, 2006.
  6. The state of our country. I know this might sound cheesy, but I am so annoyed with (a) the economy and that unchecked greed has led to its near collapse, and (b) the fact that supporting a presidential candidate pretty much means alienating anyone who disagrees with your point of view.

I don't know, maybe I need to get back into therapy. I go to yoga once a week, yet I feel so much rage bubbling just below the surface. I guess it's a good thing that I only have thirteen weeks to go until I'm due? Oh, and that's another thing - I feel guilty that I haven't had the time to cherish this pregnancy the way I was able to with my others. Sometimes I forget that I even am pregnant, I'm so busy running after the guys.

Ugh, I just want to curl up and cry.

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