Thursday, December 22, 2011

What am I afraid of?


Being laughed at.

Looking stupid.

Not being "good enough," whatever the hell that means.

So, what do you do when you're faced with any or all of the above possibilities?

I procrastinate.

I dawdle.

I make excuses.

I freeze up and do nothing.  Yeah, like that's going to help.

Where the hell did this come from?  Why are you talking about this crap?

Well, a very dear friend of mine gave me some really excellent and spot on feedback on my blog.  And I will be brutally honest:  it stung.  I did that blinking-really-fast thing and then my stomach got all twisty, like I ate too many burritos and then did a Pilates class followed up with a roller coaster ride.

And then I thought about what she wrote.  I realized that she was not only totally right, but also a totally awesome friend who wasn't trying to break my spirit but rather make me a better writer.

Okay.  I can deal with that.

And then I thought some more.  I realized that if I really want to write, I need to start (gulp) working harder.  I need to stop crapping out blog posts and start crafting entries.  And that kinda scared me.

Why?  Why does working hard at something that I actually enjoy strike fear in my heart?

Because I'm afraid:

That I will fail.

That people I know will laugh at me.

That they will think I will look stupid.

That they will think I am not a good writer.

So what are you going to do about it?

I am going to spend more than thirty minutes writing blog posts.

I am going to write out my mission statement for the blog, and make sure that each post reflects that.

I am still going to (sorry, can't quite think of a more... fitting... word) crap out my thoughts (just not online), but I also will spend time crafting them, making sure that I'm not just rehashing what I did that day, but what I think about it.  You know, make it a little more interesting and, dare I say it, compelling for the reader.  (I know, what a concept!)

So, once again I owe a BIG thanks to my friend for kicking me in the ass.

Sure, friends are supposed to be nice to you and tell you things that make you feel good about yourself.  But a real friend tells you the truth, knowing that it will sting at first, but that it will also make you a better person.

Guess which category I place my friend?

Working to become a better writer scares the crap out of me.  Having a friend who will be brutally honest to make me better at it makes it a little less scary.

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