Overwhelmed

This afternoon, J's music teacher mentioned that, once again, his behavior is of concern.  I wanted to cry.

I feel overwhelmed.  I have three beautiful, funny, smart, active little boys.  My house is filled with energy and noise.  All the time.  Well, except when they're asleep.  And then it's my head that's filled with energy and noise.  Usually about the boys:  Do I need to worry about J and his impulsivity?  Is it really something to be looked into, or will he outgrow it?  Is three days of preschool a week too much for T?  Will S be bored at home for another year, or worse, will he be lonely and miss T while he's at school?

I'm not quite sure if I've been living in denial about J.  I do know that I have been trying not to put too much negative focus on his behavior, but today was like opening the floodgates.  And it feels like just one more piece being laid on my shaky Jenga tower.  What do I do first?  If I don't want to initiate a full evaluation, what other avenues are available that (a) don't cost a fortune, and (b) aren't a waste of time?  When do I schedule such appointments?  Oh, and what if something is found?  Then what?