Saturday, November 5, 2011

OMG - Fruit Flies!

Much to my dismay, my home is under attack.

By fruit flies.

Now hold on, I can hear you thinking to yourself, it's November and we've already had morning frost; how on earth could you possibly have a fruit fly infestation?

First of all, I am so with you on that.  I have been wondering the same blasted thing, usually as I attempt to smash the little buggers with a tissue.

Second, I have no idea.

Well, okay.  Maybe I have some idea...

Think about it:  they're fruit flies.  They obviously eat fruit, right?  And I buy fruit every week from the grocery store, so it stands to reason that the most likely vehicle for bringing fruit flies into our home is the fruit that I buy from the grocery store, right?

So... we've established that the fruit flies currently making themselves at home in my bathroom most likely hitched a ride to our house on a bag of oranges imported from somewhere in Central America.

But that doesn't explain two things:

  1. How they got into the upstairs bathroom, and
  2. How they have survived and proliferated
Come to think of it, if these fruit flies were indeed transported by oranges that were picked in, I don't know, California, Florida, or maybe Central America, they're probably accustomed to a warm, humid environment.  Hmm, a warm, humid environment...  that sounds kinda like a typical description of a bathroom, don't you think?  So, that's one mystery solved.  

Last night I decided that I'd had enough of playing whack-a-bug on the bathroom mirror.  I was going hardcore:  some fruit flies were gonna die.  Got out some styrofoam cups and filled them with some red wine vinegar and a squirt of liquid soap.  Added some fast flowing tap water and made lots of bubbles (fruit flies are kinda stupid, and are powerless to the lure of bubbles).  Dropped in a small piece of cut apple, just to make my cocktail extra tasty for the little buggers.  Set them on the bathroom counter and went to bed.

Amazingly, and disgustingly, in the morning there were about three dozen dead fruit flies floating in the cups.  Success!

Yeah.  Except, not really.

For every fruit fly that got sucked into the bubbles, there was another one hanging out on the mirror.  WTF?  Was I not Goddess of the Flies?  Did I not just collapse the fruit fly empire?  Do these freaking things multiply faster than rabbits?  How the fuck hell am I supposed to get rid of these things?  

Seriously...  help!

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